Recently I was looking through previous posts. I was feeling a bit self-conscious that I had so many posts on darkness. I know that this is my own stigma towards depression coming out. A little voice in my head starts nabbering that people are judging me for being such a downer. However I made a promise to myself when I revamped this blog that I would express myself honestly. What I’ve wanted to write is what I’ve been posting, so I would like to work on accepting that this is how I want to be.
It’s easy for me to show the happy side of my being. I can openly express the joy and love in my heart in a myriad of ways. Expressing darkness though, now that’s a challenge. I find it difficult to even be openly grumpy because I’m embarrassed. That’s one reason why I write a lot about “negative” emotion. I’m writing for all the times I couldn’t say in the moment how I was feeling. I’m writing so I can have a conversation about the human emotions we all experience, yet keep behind closed doors.
Meryl Streep in her Golden Globes speech recently quoted the late Carrie Fisher as saying, “Take your broken heart, and make it into art”. On a similar vein, I once heard someone say that the purpose of art was to “heal and reveal”. I think there is a very good reason why things that are considered masterpieces – whether they be literature, film, music or fine art – tend to be those that really tap into and express the gritty, heart-wrenching aspects of existence. Think about it – how many happy books were you made to read in English literature class?
When we experience art, we are given permission, through a safe medium, to experience tough emotions that we otherwise suppress and bottle up inside. Through fully connecting with the feelings, we release (heal) and further our understanding of what it means to be human (reveal). To me, writing precisely plays this role. So yes, I will continue to write what I feel flows through me. Bare with me if it can get a bit dark sometimes. Like all of us I am navigating this weird and wacky experience of living as a human being, feeling deep pain, healing it and then revealing truths of living. As Rumi said, “The wound is where the light enters”.